Critical Investigation first draft: Learner response

1) Type up your teacher comments from your first draft - these are your main targets that you must address.
WWW: Well presented, carefully written; well researched and structured

 EBI: A bit more attention in the intro to hwo the text might be seen as gratuitous (or not). You need to work on your conclusion to make it more memorable. More books needed in "works cited" (and page references). Something in audience theory/ effects theory to discuss the impact of these representations. 

2) Write what level/mark/grade you are aiming for in your second draft.
Level 4- 48 marks A*

 3) Write a numbered action plan of at least five things - ideally one for each of the eight EBIs you received in feedback in your Peer Assessment lessons - that you will do or change for your second draft that will help you get there. Be specific and explain in detail.

  1. Quality of Writing/ Presentation- Include more media key terminology. There were also some grammatical mistakes
  2. MIGRAIN- Written too much on Institution and Narrative- rather than explaining the narrative, talk about the representation of characters and ideologies, whilst referring to audience theories e.g reception theory and Blumler and Katz' Uses and Gratification theory. 
  3. SHEP- Include more historical and political context. Include the word "zeitgeist" at least once in the essay. 
  4. Critical Debates- I need to talk about the effect of globalisation in the media also refer to moral panic, and the digital revolution
  5. Media Theories- Could have mentioned "hegemony"- hegemonic view on mental health, especially in teens- seen as 'teen angst' rather than a 'problem'. Also refer to how ideologies are changing and reflect the zeitgeist in society (changing scope of society). 
  6. Footnotes- Mostly good, but fix format in some cases. Include more books! (AT LEAST 10) 
  7. Bibliography- Include more books, and fix format of "Moving Image Texts" section. Also could include Media Magazine sources. 
  8. Synoptic Ability and Contemporary Media Landscape- Intro and conclusion- link to recent events such as Logan Paul news story- how audiences and the media have reacted to the footage. In terms of contemporary media landscape- Refer to decline in newspaper industry- leads to less articles about teen suicide and mental health- therefore does not reach older demographic who need to be informed about this issue. Articles on online platforms are usually overlooked or seen as unreliable- link this to accuracy of information online and fake news etc. 

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